Monday 1/12/09  Hours: 5

 I started off the day meeting Marcy the secretary in the volunteer office.  I had already taken the orientation over the summer when I did volunteer work at the Hertal center through the BPC.  I had to fill out more paper work due to there being changes in HIPPA.  From there Marcy took me over to the New Beginnings building which is right behind Strozzi.  It is for inpatients who are for the most part mentally stable and have certain privledges.  I learned when I first got there that the building consisted of class rooms where groups would meet to discuss important matters.  The first group session I went to was with Dr. Duke.  It was a group session for people who were suffering from more then one disorder.  There was only one patient there today because the rest were at a doctors appointment.  We discussed alcohol and its negative effects on drugs for mental disorders.  The patient shared his story of how he used to be addicted to crack and how he had been clean for 13 years.  The patient seemed to know what he had to do to one day get out of the center.  Next, a woman named Mary showed me the gym and swimming pool that the people can use throughout the day.  I then sat in on Mary's group that discussed getting jobs and being able to take care of oneself independently.  I learned that a lot of the patients are able to find jobs at the center.  There is a place that serves coffee and food and the people that work there are the inpatients.  This way they learn working skills that they can use in society. After lunch, I walked with  a man named Bob and some inpatients that so that they could get outdoors and get some exercise.  We walked around the buffalo psychiatric center twice.  You could tell the patients really enjoyed getting the fresh air.  Lastly, I sat in on a group session that was taught by Kathy.  It was a group session for just women and we played a game that allowed the patients to tell more about themselves and what makes them happy.  Many of the patients I noticed had nervous habits and would sometimes talk or sing when it was inappropriate.  Today was fulfilling and I learned a lot.  The staff at the center are very helpful and seem to genuinely enjoy helping others.  

Wednesday 1/14/09 Hours:5

Today was really fulfilling for me.  The first group session I sat in was breaking the circle of stigma which was taught by marie who was a social worker.  The group read from a news article that talked about how bad the stigma is that is put on people who are suffering from a mental disorder.  Many of the patients agreed with the article.  It was pointed out also about how certain mental illness are more accepted then others.  For example depression may be more accepted than schizophrenia because a lot of people can identify with depression and are constantly seeing commercials for depression medicine, when there are very little commercials for other medicines.  The second group session was called self managing your recovery which was again taught by marie.  Marie had a lot of organizing to do so there wasn't a lot of discussion within the group today.  She explained to me that the group emphasized people planning how to handle their symptoms when a crisis occurs.  After lunch,  a worker named Leo and I took some patients over to the social group on Hertal where I did my volunteering over the summer.  There was a group that I sat in on that was extremely interesting.  It was open discussion and everyone talked about their recovery and the feelings they had.  The great thing about the group was that the people who taught it who seemed to be well educated and on the right path had at one time suffered from a mental illness or were still living with it.  Becky who ran it talked about her disorder which really hit home for me because I had gone through what she had gone through.  I realized at that moment that there shouldn't be an "us" and "them" mentality and that everyone has issues they need to deal with and no one is perfect.  I could tell that everyone at the group were benefiting from being able to talk to others that understand where they were coming from.  we all returned to the hospital and there was food that was being cooked by the patients.  

Monday 1/19/09 Hours: 5.5

Today was much more relaxed.  There wasn't many people working or who came over from the ward due to the holiday.  There were no groups today so we all played games and did arts and crafts.  After lunch I went to the wellness center with another volunteer where some of the patients were doing yoga.  It was easy to see that the the yoga was fun for them and allowed them to relax.  I was able to relax as well and see how important exercise is to ones mental health.  After yoga, I went to bowling with Leo and the patients.  They had fun playing bowling and I could see they felt a sense of pride when they would do well.  There was a patient who seemed to act like a child when it came to maturity level and he would hit himself occasionally.  He was also on a liquid restriction because too much liquid would mess with his medications.  After bowling, I played rummy with a patient who was very nice but seemed to be suffering from depression because her movements were slowed.  There will probably be more organization on wednesday.  

Wednesday 1/21/09 Hours:5

Today started off with two groups with Marie the social worker.  The first group dealt with mental illness and stigma.  We read from the rest of the article we started last week.  We talked about famous people who suffer from disorders and how they coming out with their stories helps the stigma to lessen.  I then asked about postpardom depression and how there can be delusions that come along with it sometimes.  We talked about the women who drowned her five children because she thought that if she drowned them she would save them from hell.  A patient in the group who is a little older then me but seems to lack some maturity voiced that he wouldn't ever kill his own child.  The social worker and I had to explain to him that no one knows what they would do if they were ill like that or had those delusions.  We had to explain that the women was doing what SHE THOUGHT was right.  He still didn't seem to understand.  He also went on about how he doesn't need medicine.  The social worker and I had to explain that some people do need it and that it isn't a weakness and helps them.  We were trying to get him to not pass so much judgement.  The second group was about managing their recovery.  We all talked about what we do for ourselves to help us to get rid of stress.  Everyone got involved even the social worker.  After lunch, Leo and I went to 1547 on Hertal and went to the group meeting that is held there every wednesday.  This is always my favorite meeting to go to because it allows both inpatients and outpatients to reflect and communicate openly.  At the end of the meeting we all had to join hands and say one thing we were happy about that day.  I said I was happy to have experienced the meeting.     

Monday 1/26/09 Hours:4.5

The first group session was taught by Dr. Duke and we discussed co-occuring disorders.  Everyone talked about triggers that make something happen or make one feel a certain way.  For example a patient said that when he thought of drinking he thought of his depression that lead to the drinking.  In this group session, a man sat next to me who seemed to be very sexually preoccupied.  He seemed to stare at all the young women and kept whispering things to me that I was told to ignore.  I felt uncomfortable but never in danger.  The next work group was run by a woman named Dorris.  The group discussed alcohol and drug use and what they will have to do once they are out in society when it comes to their addictions.  Everyone had varying degrees of addictions and some had more experience with the recovery process.  After lunch, I went with Leo and the patients to the bowling ally where we played games.  Leo talked to me about the history behind the center and how many people are staying in the system for shorter periods of time because of better medications.  Lastly, I sat in on the women's group where matters were discussed like body image and life lessons.  The social worker Amy taught the group. There was a patient who was discussing how she was so close to being discharged but then she cut herself again because she suffers from borderline personality disorder.  I believe now she has to wait a month to three months before they think about discharging her.  She seems determined not to cut again but it is easily seen that it is something she is used to doing.  

Wednesday 1/28/09 Hours: 5.5

Today we started off in the group that discussed stigma.  We read a poem that was about an old man who feels like he is ignored or looked down on based on his age.  We related this to how people are viewed when they have a mental illness.  The second group dealt with recovery and how to continue on that journey.  We discussed goals, dreams, and everyday activities that we all wanted to complete.  When the patients thought about what they wanted for the future many of them just wanted simple things that a lot of us take for granted.  After this I helped Kathy put her papers through the shredders because there was patient information on them and the center is very strict with privacy.  Then Kathy sent me to Strozzi to take part in a TEAM meeting.  This was very interesting to me.  The TEAM meeting consisted of a psychologist, social worker, drug specialist, psychiatrist, and other counselors.  We met with four patients and discussed their progress.  This really impacted me emotionally and opened me eyes.  The patients had dealt with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, killing people, and paranoid delusions.  I am hoping that if I eventually become a psychologist that I can handle the tough situations by being able to separate myself enough without being too distant.

Monday 2/2/09 Hours: 5

The first session was with Dr. Duke and we all talked about triggers once again and what we can do to not engage in bad behaviors.  Everyone talked about how hanging out with the bad friends can cause drug use and then drug abuse.  Although many of the patients hadn't smoked or drank in up to 20 years, you could tell that they still missed certain feelings they got while using them.  This time they know though that the positives don't out weigh the negatives when it comes to drug use.  The second session was with Doris and this group was about drug addiction.  This group today focused on looking at a higher power for help.  The patients seemed to need God in their life to help them through the tough times.  Others seemed to abandon God the way they thought God abandoned them.  I then shredded papers for about a half an hour for privacy reasons.  The next group I sat in had to do with recovery.  Carol and I talked about being able to keep busy and social when getting out of the hospital.  Keeping busy is important for everyone and to feel part of the society.  The last group was the women's group where we talked about health.  We talked about breast cancer and heart attacks in women.  We also talked about children and being a mother.  I was surprised to see that half of the women in the group were mothers.  I hoped that the children were involved in these women's life.   

Wednesday 2/4/09 Hours:5.5

Today I started off in the stigma group and we talked about how important self esteem is.  One doesn't want to be too confident and alienate other people but at the same time people need self esteem to live a healthy life.  We talked about how a lot of times people with mental illness find it hard to love or accept themselves at first because they have a mental illness.  A lot of the patients seemed to agree with this.  The second group was managing your recovery.  We talked about a list that everyone should make to remind them of daily things they should be doing when they are released.  For example brushing your teeth, cleaning the house, or eating three meals a day.  Then I went to 1547 with Leo and went to the self help group.  We talked about assertiveness and how it is different from aggression and passiveness.  We know it is important to be assertive but not too aggressive or passive especially when dealing with mental illness and knowing your rights.  A man talked about applying for a job and how he felt like he was ignored because he answered truthfully on the application when it asked if he had had a mental illness in the past.  This was an illegal question and he felt that they didnt hire him or give him an interview because of the question.  Next week they are supposed to have a talent show which should be nice for them.  

Monday 2/9/09 Hours:5.5

Today I was with Dr. Duke in the co-morbid disorders where we talked about different types of drugs and how they impact the body.  He suggested that I lead the group next week which should be a good experience.  I'm going to read through the packet and come up with questions to ask everybody.  The next group was with Doris where we talked about drug addiction especially alcohol abuse.  A man talked about how when he stopped drinking for a while he thought that he would be able to just drink in moderation but after 2 weeks of that he was back to his old ways.  It made me wonder if an addict could ever drink or use in moderation.  Doris said she never witnessed it being successful.  After that I went to bowling with Leo where he talked to me about the different systems that are involved when a murderer comes to the hospital.  He told me a story of a man that was in the hospital for 15 years after killing his son and they let him go home after the 15 years just for the weekend and he ended up stabbing his wife to death.  We talked about how serious the job is to decide when a man or woman can leave , especially if they have had a violent history.  The last group, was the woman's group where we talked about the health benefits of chocolate.  We talked about how they are high in antioxidents and how dark chocolate is better then milk chocolate.  We got into a discussion about different types of fats and which ones were good and which ones were bad.  It seemed educational for the patients.  

Wednesday 2/11/09 Hours:6

Today I started off the morning by meeting a man named David who took the patients and I to a place called Delanore.  This place was a lot like 1547 but it was a lot more structured and seemed to be for people who were worse off.  A lot of the patients I went with seemed to have some form of mental retardation.  We started off by exercising to music and it was my job to get the patients up and moving.  After this we went for a walk around the building and ended up in a room where we had a group.  The group was about being able to have a positive outlook on life.  After returning from Delanore , I went with Leo, Kathy, and the patients to 1547 where there was a talent show for the HOMES program. Everyone seemed to have fun and were able to show off their many talents.  People sang, told jokes, drew cartoons, and many other things. Kathy, my supervisor played happy birthday on the piano to me and one of the other patients because it was our birthday.  I learned a lot today about people and how there is much more to them then you think. 

Wednesday 2/18/09 Hours:5

Today we were short staffed so I didn't follow my usual schedule.  I started off with Marie the social worker for breaking the circle of stigma where we had a guest speaker from engelwood drop-in.  He was the manager of this place and explained it as a place that is peered run and all the rules and activities are made by the peers.  It seemed like it gave the patients an opportunity for structure and socialization but they also have the freedom to make choices.  After this group, there was the recovery group where Leo and I took them to the gym and we walked around the gym for exercise.  After lunch, I was in another group with Leo where we showed them pictures and they had to tell a story about the pictures based on their creativity and what they were thinking about.  Some were very creative while others were simple but honest.  The last group was music therapy where we listened to records that the patients were able to pick.  One of the patients today was hitting on me today and Leo told him it was inappropriate.  It made me more comfortable with the thought that I should be able to look patients in the eyes and tell them when they are making me uncomfortable and to stop what they are doing.  

Monday 2/23/09 Hours: 5.5

Today I started in the co-occuring disorders group with Dr. Duke where we talked again about drug use.  I was supposed to lead the group today but Nicole, another student was told to it because it was her last day. I learned to lead a group you need to ask a lot of questions and get the patients actively engaging in the conversation and readings.  After this, all the patients took a survey on the groups and if they liked the New Beginnings program.  The results were pretty good except for the people who held hostility for being in the hospital in the first place.  I then went around to each classroom and sharpened the pencils so that the patients had useable pencils for the afternoon groups.  I went to bowling with Leo where I noticed a woman who seems to be very happy all the time.  I don't know if it is due to the medication but there are times where she will laugh out of nowhere, she seems to have a quick sense of happiness.  It makes me wonder where it comes from because I have seen another woman do the same thing.  In the last group with Carol, we talked about women's issues. One of the women talked about how her whole life she was emotionally abused by her mother and then physically and emotionally abused by her husband.  Her husband left her and before he left told her she was going to die alone and ugly.  This woman had very low self-esteem and was very worried about how she was going to manage herself financially after she got out of the hospital. Carol explained to her that everyone at the hospital before they leave is made sure they have somewhere to go and live comfortably.  I felt really bad for the woman and was happy that the hospital cares about the patients after they are out of the hospital as well.  

Wednesday 2/25/09 Hours:7.5

Today we didn't have any groups because there were meetings for all the staff at New Beginnings.  We started off the morning with doing team building exercises which challenged our minds and helped us to come together and work as a team.  We then went on to talk about respect and how important it is to show the patient respect that you would want in return and the respect they themselves want.  After this people who used to be hospitalized came in to talk to us about what the hospital employees were doing that was progressive and what they were doing that may be hindering the healing of the mentally ill.  They brought up really good points and I knew that what they said had validity.  One man said that when a group is going on, the person who is running it must make sure that not one person is overpowering the others.  Everyone in the group should be respectful and let the person who is talking have the floor completely.  Another man said that it is important to encourage the patients who don't talk much to participate in the group because most of the time they want to but are too shy.  The third man suggested encouragement and getting the patient to do things to take care of themselves like working out or doing yoga.  The last man said that it is extremely important for the workers to show their true selves and be a caring individual.  It is easier for the patients to relate to people who genuinely care and want to see them get better.  I then helped out with the lunch they gave the employees.  I went with Dave to 1547 with the BRITE unit. We helped the people to play the Wii and helped them draw pictures.  I asked Dave what the BRITE unit was all about and he told me that it is for people who cognitive problems or people who have a hard time putting things together.  He didn't say it was the same thing as mental retardation.  They use a token system and whenever they receive tokens for good things they have done they can use them for different things like getting a pop or being able to sleep longer in the morning.

Monday 3/2/09 Hours: 5

Today I started off teaching the group with Dr. Duke.  We all discussed drug abuse and I asked questions to get the patients to engage in the conversation.  All seem to have started drugs because they were curious, lonely, and were doing what their peers were doing.  I realized I needed to be more assertive yet let the patients talk about their experiences. The important part I had to remember was to keep them on the topic.  Secondly, I was in Doris's group where we read from books that talked about drug addiction.  People had been clean for up to 20 years but I could tell that they still missed some of the positive feelings they got when they were on them.  I then went to bowling with Leo and I talked to a woman and was trying to encourage her to do some physical activity.  Lastly, I was in the woman's group where we discussed more options the women have for living once they get out of the hospital.  

Wednesday 3/4/09 Hours: 5.5

Today I was in the stigma group where Leo decided to lead it.  Marie the social worker usually leads the group but she was helping a girl with her discharge into the assisted living.  In the group a man talked about being made fun of in high school and how it gave him low self-esteem.  We explained to him that a lot of people go through that when they are young.  He also shared that his mother was an alcoholic and had mental health problems.  This instilled in me again that genetics and environment are important.  The next group talked about being able to make a list of activities one should do during the day when they are free from the hospital.  Then I went to 1547 with Leo and the group discussed boundaries.  There are a select few people in the group seem to overpower the group and it seems unfair to those members who are more shy or who are trying to get more benefit from the group.  I had to tell one of the women that she needed to be more considerate of someone else and the story they were telling.  The group needs to be able to support everyone and not just be about only a couple of people.  

Monday 3/9/09 Hours: 5.5

Today I started off in the co-occuring disorders with Dr. Duke.  I lead the discussion and was able to get a lot of people engaged in conversation.  We discussed the rest of the drug packet and I asked a lot of questions that allowed them to discuss.  Dr. Duke asked me to write up a test that the patients could take next week on the information we talked about.  The next group with Doris was about drug use and we discussed smoking and how it doesn't seem as bad as other drugs because the effects aren't seen on the outside .  After that, I went to bowling with Leo where he talked to me about schizophrenia and the typical and atypical symptoms and the drug and how they work.  He knows a lot about the brain and chemistry of the body.  Lastly, I went to the woman's group where we discussed foods that are healthy to eat.  Also we discussed diabetes and what one can do to fight it or make it less worse.  

Wednesday 3/11/09 Hours: 5.75

Today I started with the stigma group that Leo taught because Maria was helping a woman get discharged out of the hospital.  We talked about how the media portrays people who suffer from mental illness as all violent when in actuality people who are mentally ill are more likely to be the victims of violence, which is very sad.  We discussed how anyone who is different then society's norm is looked at negatively because people don't take the time to understand. After this group, I was with Brenda but  a lot of the patients were sick so we all watched t.v. to get the patients caught up with current events and what was going on in the world.  After this, I went to Strozzi with Leo and asked nurses to sign forms for some of the patients to go to 1547.  When we went to 1547, the HOMES group talked about healthy relationships and what it takes to be healthy.  Everyone seemed to participate today and no one was overpowering each other like last week.  I think the self help groups work the best for the patients because she are facilatated by people who have at one point in their lives had a mental illness. 

Monday 3/16/09 Hours: 5.5

Today I started with the cooccuring disorders with Wanda.  I had to bring in a test that I made for the patients discussing drugs.  Everyone seemed to do well and we went over each question and discussed them in detail.  A lot of the patients helped the other patients understand the questions and helped talk through the questions with them.  After this, I was in the the next group with Doris where we read from the A.A. books.  There was a particular story that seemed to touch everyone including myself.  The man who was writing in the book told a story of being an alcoholic and finding out that a kid that he helped play baseball was hit and killed with a drunk driver.  This was a very sad story but opened the eyes of a lot of people and even made me realize what an impact our decisions have on other people.  I went for a walk with Bob and his walking group which was really nice for everyone because the weather was beautiful and everyone was getting exercise.  I know that the sunlight can partially help their depression if they have it and getting exercise helps as well.  Lastly, I was in the woman's group with Carl where we discussed relationships and what women look for in men.  We discussed healthy relationships and the women all gave their opinion on what a good relationship was.  

Wednesday 3/18/09 Hours: 6

I started off today by going to 1547 with Leo and Kelly, the recreational therapists.  During the group everyone discussed positive thinking and how every time we think something is really bad, it could be much worse. A lot of the outpatients were letting the inpatients know that it is possible to move on in life after getting out of the hospital.  I think it was encouraging for everyone to see that being hospitalized doesn't have to be forever or doesn't have to ruin their lives.  After this, I came back to the Strozzi building where they have recreation in the basement.  This was the first time I was down there. About 50 patients were there coloring, playing pool, doing arts and crafts.  i was happy to see that this was available for the patients because many of the patients need something else to do other then staying in the hospital and going to groups.  I played games with a group of women and did arts and crafts as well.  I met a lot of new patients that probably don't have privledges  to go to New Beginnings.  

Monday 3/23/09 Hours: 4.5

Today, I sat in on Carol's group which was focused on life skills such as cooking, paying bills, and housekeeping.  We discussed how it can be difficult to work with money and go grocery shopping when you don't know how much things cost presently.  After that, I went to Doris's AA group where we read from several books that focused on drug recovery.  Many of the books were highly spiritual and focused on a higher power.  Everyone shared their experience with finding God or at least feeling like there was something that was looking out for them.  They knew that what happened to them was "God's will".  After this, I did some office work for Kathy and did some shredding to help Bob. After this, I went to the boweling group with Leo where we helped the patients play and we discussed the improvements that the Buffalo Psychiatric Center has made since years ago.  I had a doctor's appointment so I was unable to attend Carol's group which is women's issues. 

Wednesday 3/25/09 Hours: 5.5

Today, I was in the stigma group with Leo where I led the group with an exercise.  There were pictures of places and people and we had them write down thing about the picture like who took it, what they think of the place or person, how it made them feel.  After the patients shared their creative answers we tied it in with stigma.  We said that sometimes things aren't always as they appear and that judgements shouldn't be made purely on how something seems or looks.  After this, we had managing your recovery with Brenda and we watched television to get the patients to learn more about our society.  One girl was having bad delusions and was telling others she was white and not black, although she was an African American woman.  After this, I went to 1547 with Carol and we sat in on the group that discussed letting resentment go and allowing forgiveness to come into our lives.  One of the women almost became violent because she was recalling a time when she felt resentment and acted out.  These groups really seem to help these individuals, especially because they are all different degrees of illness. 

Monday 3/29/08 Hours: 5.5

I started off today in co-occuring disorders where we discussed that one can have a meaningful life without drugs.  We then discussed what a meaningful life was and how we could achieve it.  All of the answers varied and showed that a meaningful life is different for everyone but that it doesn't have to involve drugs.  After, I went to the A.A. group but Doris wasn't there so the people ran it themselves and I just helped out by asking questions and engaging them in conversation.  I asked them how long the have been clean and talked about different things that they could do instead of doing drugs.  After, I went to the bowling alley with Leo and talked to the different patients about bowling and dingus day coming up.  After, I went to the women's group with Kathy where we read from the chicken soup for the woman's soul which was about a woman's mother and how she had to fight diversity.  It created conversation on women's rights and how we have come a long way but have a long way to go.  

 Wednesday 4/1/09 Last Day Hours: 6

Today I started with a breakfast everyone had for me to thank for me being there.  After, I was in the group getting your needs met with Kathy.  Kathy discussed ways of getting paid and how they have to budget.  After this, the group was cognitive skills where the Psychologist discusses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  The patients talked about their problems and the psychologist was saying how she was going to work through these issues with everyone.  One patient felt frustrated by her ward because one day they would tell her she was being discharged in 2 months and the next day they would say they weren't sure.  Then I went to 1547 with Leo for the last time.  The meeting was about self pity and how we should have positive thoughts.  A woman used a racial slur and was taken out because of her lack of respect.  I was proud of the person for sticking by the rules of the group because she probably offended many people.

I gained so much at this place that I couldn't have gained through a classroom.  I learned I am going for the right career in working with people.  A patient todl me today that he loves when students come because they treat the patients kindly and don't talk down to them.  I hope I can be that way even when I'm not a student anymore.  I hope to get more experience before I go to graduate school.  The staff was extremely friendly and accommodating.  I feel more sensitive and aware of people's needs.  I am grateful for this opportunity I had.